By Brenda Thompson, professional caregiver, Visiting Angels

I recently witnessed an uncomfortable conversation between one of my clients and her adult daughter.

The client is 89 and has dementia. She had spent the day at a museum and had returned home that evening. Her daughter stopped by and asked for highlights of the trip. My client had only been home a few hours but had no recollection of the museum, in fact she denied even going on the trip. The daughter became extremely frustrated and told her mom to concentrate and try to remember. Then she added that the next time her mom goes on an outing she should pay better attention.

This example highlights what is so important when interacting with someone with dementia. Once you know that your loved one is dealing with dementia, adjust your expectations. Be prepared to accept the fact that your loved one may not be able to participate fully in your relationship as they did before.

Dementia is not a normal part of aging and it is not a disease, but it can be debilitating and destructive. Instead of focusing on what your loved one can’t remember, try to be more in the moment with them. Depending on the level of dementia (there are 7, and this client was at a 5 with 7 being the worst), set up activities that can be enjoyed but don’t necessarily have to be remembered.

Another issue is that the elderly parent says their adult children never do anything for them. In reality, the adult children usually are a consistent presence in the parent’s life, but the parent is just thinking in the moment and not remembering all the visits in the past.

It can be extremely challenging for an adult child to let this go, but it is necessary for a future relationship. Your loved one will thank you, if not directly you will see it in their smile.

Symptoms of dementia include:

• Difficulty concentrating
• Difficulty performing daily tasks, such as driving, grooming, cooking, looking after finances
• Difficulty communicating (trouble find words)
• Personality changes
• Inability to reason
• Paranoia
• Agitation
• Trouble learning or remembering new information

If you are seeing some or most of these, it may be time to schedule an appointment with a health care provider with whom you can have an open conversation.

Growing up, Brenda cared for her grandmother who had post polio syndrome.  Today, she is a professional caregiver in Colorado who believes every day can bring new challenges, and with those challenges come great rewards.