By Tammy I. Glenn

The fifth commandment handed down to Moses in the bible is the one that pertains to honoring one’s father and mother.  With societal and cultural pressures disconnecting families across the country, it’s difficult to discern best practices given financial constraints, career and family demands and more often than not, physical distance.

Clearly, by religious standards, this commandment is important as it immediately follows four other commandments that strictly pertain to one’s relationship with a Greater Spirit.  But, how does one deal with everyday challenges that make the relationship with our parents sometimes tenuous?

In my role as the Executive Director of CAREGIVERS: Volunteers Assisting the Elderly in Ventura, California, I’ve discovered that there are numerous obstacles in the path for good-hearted children whom one would think might step forward to care for an aging or physically-challenged parent.

The obvious obstacles include financial struggles, travel time, spousal relationships, or just time in general due to the job commitments and the demands of children.  What’s not often talked about are the parents who may not have earned the respect of their children and are left abandoned for the social welfare systems to support.

Seniors at CAREGIVERS fall into any one of these categories, and many times, we also learn that they have no family left at all.  Whatever the reason that brings them to CAREGIVERS, these are the elders in our community and whether they’re your mom, dad or a friendly neighbor, we will be wiser for practicing compassion, patience and empathy so that we can pass those qualities down to the generation that will follow us.

Here are Ten Commandments for Honoring Your Mom, Dad or the Senior in your life:

1. Pick up the phone.  It’s likely that your mom or dad still come from a generation when it was expected that adult children take time out to initiate calls.  Think of it.  Your parents have checked up on you your whole life.  Now, you’re an adult, living independently.  Many seniors are of a mindset that it’s now your role to check on them.  In their eyes, this is a form of Respect.
2. Do Vote Your Conscience, and agree to disagree when the subject of Politics becomes an obstacle.
3. Keep Your Faith. Religion is a personal journey–for everyone.
4. Enjoy a Teachable Moment with your Kids.  Use adverse opportunities during a visit with Mom or Dad to teach your kids about Tolerance, Patience and Compassion.
5. Learn from History.  Your parents probably have 30-40 years of life experience that you don’t have.  That’s valuable stuff!
6. Take their Pulse.  Well, you might not take their pulse literally, but you might want to be aware of health patterns that may be genetic.  Observing the impact of a lifestyle on one’s body can help you make better decisions for your future health.
7. Don’t Judge.  Until you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes, you really can’t empathize.
8. Ensure their Safety.  It’ll cost you less in the long run if you do some up-front planning.
9. Ensure their Security.  Again, exploring financial plans early is good measure on everyone’s part.  People are living longer than expected these days and in many cases, seniors are running out of retirement plans because they hadn’t expected to still be around!

And, most importantly,

1. Enjoy.  It’s said that we don’t remember days, we remember moments. Every day of life is a gift.  Don’t let anything get in your way of creating precious memories.  Someday, those memories may one day be the best part of your inheritance.

Tammy I. Glenn is the founder of HomeBoundResources.com.  She also is the author of “The Carefree Caregiver: A Short Course to Peace of Mind,” Glenn started out as caring for her mother at the age of eight.  She serves as expert advisor on elder care/aging to KCET, a monthly columnist with Disabled Dealer Magazine and is currently Executive Director of CAREGIVERS: Volunteers Assisting the Elderly in Ventura County, California.