By Tammy I. Glenn, founder, HomeBoundResources.com
When people are faced with long-term care situations, there are so many dynamics to consider.
Most immediately, the caregiver’s schedules and plans change; social time might be consumed with managing medical bills or running errands; emotions are heightened due to concern for the loved one’s health; sleep patterns may be interrupted. For the patient, it’s challenging enough to attend to one’s physical needs, let alone to address the challenges of reshaping one’s life given a new set of health issues.
Once caregiver(s) and patient settle into a new and probably unpredictable routine, you both might notice that your circle of friends and support changes.
Initially, friends visit with gestures of flowers, cards and casseroles. In the case of a long-term illness, the situation may become awkward. Visits may be interrupted with needs for medical attention or the inevitable activities of daily living which may be more challenging to accomplish depending upon one’s mobility. While your life is changing and finding a new balance, your friends may not have the emotional or physical resources to change with you.
It’s inevitable that our circles of friends change. It’s actually a natural and often healthy part of everyone’s life path. Perhaps it feels like a greater loss because of all the other changes that have been thrust upon you? Nevertheless, I suggest you use this as an opportunity to seek out a support system that better addresses your current needs.
Family and long-time friends are such a gift, but they may not be able to fill every void. Be open to making new friendships with individuals who are facing similar challenges or better yet, ones who have had more experience, overcome or triumphed adversity. Strike up a conversation at the doctor’s office or pharmacy counter. Try a
one-liner like:
- Is it worth the money to buy this pill-cutter, or should I just use a steak knife?
- Or the old standard, “Come here often?” or “Haven’t I seen you here before?”
If you have something in common, simply ask if the person would be open to exchanging phone numbers or emails so that you can follow up if you have questions. If you find a warm reception, send a follow up note and let them know how much you appreciated meeting them.
Furthermore, consider a relationship that may be solely based over the telephone, on FaceBook or through an organized support group.
It’s likely that some of your new friends also face similar limitations.
Experience is the best teacher, the father of wisdom. It’s difficult to place a value on the exchange of information that comes from broadening your circle of support.
While not everyone may become a kindred friend for life, being receptive to new ideas may help you roll over a speed-bump before it becomes a major obstacle.
If you’re lucky, that shared empathy could be the basis for an extraordinary relationship.
Tammy I. Glenn is the founder of HomeBoundResources, holds an MBA from Pepperdine University and currently serves as an advisor on elder care and aging to the National Senior Citizen’s Bureau and KCET. Her monthly column and Seal of Approval reviews are published monthly in Disabled Dealer Magazine.